It’s not just a hijab, it’s our key to Paradise

Ayraah Ameirah (Singapore)

 The day I decided to cover my head with a scarf and decided to return to Allah’s path, it was 2 am in the morning and I found myself turning and twisting on my bed, unable to get some sleep. I decided to wake up, take a shower and pray. I don’t know what got into me that night, but I took my prayer mat and started praying. It shocked my mom. She woke up in the middle of the night just to see her daughter crying while talking and praying to her creator. “Syukur Alhamdullilah (praise be to Allah).” The very first thing my mom says. The very next day, I sat in front of my closet with a big bag and decided to give away my clothes to a friend. I started packing my tubes, t-shirts, bare back tops, shorts and pencil skirt.

The day that I decided to put a stop to clubbing, drinking and doing all the things that Allah didn’t love. This day was also the very first day that I went out with my close friend and shocked him. He didn’t expect me to wear fully covered clothes and a hijab around my head. He told me I really look gorgeous in it. It took me an hour to convince myself that I looked perfectly fine. And there I go stepping out the house with something that I’ve never even intended to wear until I got married. Alhamdullilah. Allah opened up my heart to return to Him.

I decided to delete my instagram and delete all those inappropriate pictures of me that has been circulating around the social websites. I just find it ridiculous when I’ve already started wearing a hijab and those inappropriate pictures are still found on the net. I shocked a lot of people. They didn’t expect me to turn out the way I am now. I even got sarcastic criticism comments by my own circle of friends but that didn’t stop me from changing into someone new. Some even asked me if I’m suffering from any critical last stage sickness that causes this sudden drastic changes in me. Not only that, people have been going around saying that I became a hijabi because of fashion. Well, I changed not because of fashion, I changed because I am sincere enough to repent to HIM while I still have the time. Honestly if you ask me, what made me open up to Allah and give up my past, I would tell you that I’m afraid of my sins.

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I’m afraid of the Hereafter and the punishment of the hell fire. I’m afraid that when I die, I’ll die in a condition that would embarrass my family, I’m afraid that I’ll not able to recite the khalimah (testimony of faith) when I pass away. We won’t know when are we gonna die. If it’s stated that we are gonna die tomorrow, do you think we still have the time to repent to Him? When I decided to take this huge step to change to a better person, I literally sat down and gave it a thought. Am I ready for this? Am I ready to stop my unhealthy lifestyle? I held back my tears and told myself that I’m ready for this huge change. I started to shop for muslimah clothes at Arab street and fell in love with a few pieces. Not just clothes, I go gaga over shawls too. I didn’t know that I would feel this happy and bless when I get myself closer to Allah. I don’t know why each time when I saw my friends out with their partner or they are madly in love with each other, I would get jealous and label myself as forever lonely. How could I possibly be forever lonely when I know Allah is always with me? Astaufirullahaladzim. Truly Allah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves. It’s not just a hijab, it’s our key to Janna.