By Sumaiya Rabeya
How often are childless women considered to be bombarding burdens?
According to gender research (cited below), women are more prone to social pressure and forcibly dictated life decisions than men are. It is as if it’s a crime she is committing when not able to become a mother. I wonder how it is often the woman put into moral custody for something she has no control over when a man is not?!
For a lot of women, it is a natural progression to dream of motherhood. Only someone who has gone through the struggle of conceiving can understand how agonizing and self-depleting the journey is. In addition, if one hears about a child’s nonexistence repeatedly, the suffering intensifies. Unfortunately, the majority of our Muslim ummah has long forgotten the etiquettes of social interactions and feel free to inappropriately meddle in someone’s very private struggles.
Prophet Muhammad صَلَّى ٱللّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّمَ explicitly reminded the ummah: “I am not authorized to split people’s heart and become aware of their hidden and internal thoughts,” while in the Quran 49:12, it is stated, “Believers… do not spy.”
Moreover, being a mother is not the singular identity of a woman. We all have limitations in our lives. Even if one has children, there will be some shortcomings in other aspects of the woman’s life. We need to remember, for example, Ayesha رضي الله عنه who had no children of her own, yet is regarded as one of the most respected and notable Muslims of all time. She is considered the second highest narrator of hadith or Islamic teachings after Abu Hurairah رضي الله عنه. She dedicated her entire life to preserving and serving the knowledge of Islam after the demise of Prophet Muhammad
صَلَّى ٱللّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّمَ. She is one of the core Faiqih for whom we have had the chance to know the Sunnah of our Prophet distinctively, after thousands of years. Great sahabas (companions of the Prophet صَلَّىٱللّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّمَ) of that time, male and female, took lessons from her and leaders consulted her regarding grave ministerial decisions.
What’s more, Ayesha رضي الله عنه was eighteen years old when the Prophet صَلَّى ٱللّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّمَ passed away. Even after the death of the Prophet صَلَّى ٱللّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّمَ, she lived for about 47 years. Yet, there is not a single narration in Islamic hadith reporting where she prayed for a child to Allah or lamented to the Prophet صَلَّى ٱللّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّمَ.
Allah says in the Quran, “Wealth and children are the adornments of this worldly life” (18:46) and, “Your wealth and your children are but a trial” ( 64:15). Testing is a part of life on earth. There is no way to live here without taking the exam. Therefore, having children or not, are tests from Allah. Motherhood is only one phase of a woman’s life if Allah wills it; It is not the sole measurement of failure or success in life. She is a person with her own dreams, desires and talents. She will have to answer to Allah for all her blessings, children or not.
Most often, maybe a childless woman wants to be satisfied with Allah’s decision by counting other blessings around her, but the people in her community keep her from doing it. According to hadith, the community is supposed to hold their tongue or avoid excessive talk unless in remembrance of Allah. They are supposed to be the barren woman’s source of mental peace and reassure her of her worth as a Muslim, first. Childlessness is not a crime, but it can be a blessing in disguise. Allah knows best.
Sources (aside from Quran and Hadith):
Elizalde, J. (2021). “How Gender Roles, Social Expectations Affect Female First-Generation Students.” Texas A&M University College of Education & Human Development.
https://today.tamu.edu/2021/09/24/how-gender-roles-social-expectations-affect-female-fi
Flores, L. Y., Settles, I., McGillen, G. G., & M.Davis, T. “Critical Contributions to Scholarship on Women and Work: Celebrating 50 Years of Progress and Looking Ahead to a New Decade.” Journal of Vocational Behavior, 2021.
Hakim, C. “Women, Careers, and Work-Life Preferences.” British Journal of Guidance and Counseling, 2006.
Rahim, N. A., Mohamed, Z. B., Amrin, A., & Mohammad, R. “Women’s Dual Roles and Career Growth: A Preliminary Study of Malaysian Female Talents in Science, Engineering and Technology.” Journal of Physics: Conference Series, 2019.
About the Author:
Sumaiya Rabeya is a researcher and content writer. She is the co-founder of a Malaysia-based media-production company. Sumaiya is also a community volunteer, actively working on various projects related to Islamic dawah, social engagement and women. Born in 1989, she graduated with a degree in Politics and International Relations and is currently pursuing her Ph.D. in Gender Studies. Moreover, she has been working as a media content writer for over a decade. As a Bengali young mother, she feels responsible in creatively contributing to society.