More beautiful than Just what you see

By Emily (Saginaw, MI)

It’s been years since I reverted to Islam, but I’ll never forget how I felt when I first started wearing hijab.

I grew up in Texas and Michigan, back and forth for years before finally staying in Michigan for good. In Texas, I went to a Baptist church. I remember being pressured to request to be baptized. One day I finally went up to the preacher and told him I wanted to be baptized. But it wouldn’t be as simple as that. I had to meet with him first, and discuss how far I’ve come in my faith, and if I was ready to truly be baptized or not. I had to somehow prove I was worthy of being submerged into water and declaring my faith. At the end of it all, I decided not to do it. I have always believed in God, but it seemed like I was being tested on my level of devotion. Christianity has never made sense to me, and I was to a point in my early adulthood that I almost stopped believing in Him completely.

Until one day, I met some Muslim people and we became friends. I started asking questions, reading books and researching about Islam. My friends started teaching me Arabic. For 3 years I hesitated to revert, but the perfect day presented itself and I decided to go for it. Little to my knowledge, I was in for more than I had expected.

I had contacted a Sheikh (Muslim scholar) in Dearborn, MI, who I had previously met and asked questions about Islam. I told him I was ready to take my Shahada and I wanted to do it with him. He invited me to come down to the Islamic Center of America in Dearborn on the birthday of the daughter of Prophet Mohammed (PBUH), Fatima. So I drove the 2 hours and arrived there where hundreds of people were attending the event. I was then told I would be going on stage to say my Shahada in front of all these people, while it was also being broadcasted live over the internet. I was nervous to say the least. But I went up there, not breathing too much or too little out of fear I might faint, and said my Shahada.

When I walked off the stage people greeted me with congratulations and mabrooks, hugs and smiles. I promise, I’m telling you all of this because it has a purpose.

This relates to my hijab because I remember before getting on the stage, I said out loud that it wouldn’t be so hot if I didn’t have to wear my hijab (that I was so self conscious about looking right) and that might help keep me from turning red or fainting on stage. But Allah helped me through it, because in the final moments, I remembered Him, and it gave me the confidence to go up there, remembering that it was all for Him. No one said anything about the way my hijab looked, or questioned my dedication to Allah before or after I converted. Not a single person. They said “Mashallah!” and went on with the night. Some people even gave me gifts. I didn’t have to prove anything.

In the weeks to come, I remember having to leave the culturally accepting Muslim community in Dearborn and go back to the seemingly less culturally aware small town I came from. This scared me. I thought people would stare, say rude things to me, or even try to hurt me for wearing my hijab and being Muslim. I avoided going to big stores so I wouldn’t have to see as many people, possibly lessening my chances of being treated badly. But every time I went out, I was surprised. Every time I went out, I ran into the nicest people. While I’ve had my fair share of rude comments and prolonged stares, most people were generally nice and accepting of who I was.

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People would comment on my scarf by telling me how pretty it was. They would say “Salam Alaykum” to me, even if they weren’t Muslim. And most importantly, the more nice things that were said to me, the more confidence I gained. And it came to a point where my hijab became my confidence. My hijab became my shield. Men no longer looked me up and down, but instead turn their heads when they saw me coming. People talked to me to engage in conversation, rather check me out. I had a feeling of relief. My hijab demanded respect. And I have only one being to thank for that: Allah. Because He was my guide and my strength in overcoming my fear. He helped me through my inhibitions. He taught me not to judge others for what they might think about me, because they may have the best intentions. He taught me that there is more to me than what is on the outside. And He taught me that my radiance from the inside can be projected by covering things that mattered much less. I love wearing my hijab. Every time I put it on, I am reminded of it’s importance. I’m reminded of how much it means to me. And I’m reminded of Allah and my never-ending dedication to Him.

So, when someone asks me why I wear that thing on my head, I don’t just say “because Allah has required me to do so”, but instead I say “Allah showed me why it’s so important, and how it’s much more beautiful than just what you see.” Subunallah!!

When I think back to where I started, and how far I’ve come in a short amount of time, I can only say alhumdulillah! If I could go back and start my life over, I would find Allah and Islam sooner! Allah helped me every step of the way, and continues to do so. “So Remember Me because I will remember you.”