By Hafizah Choudhury
After having given birth to two beautiful, intelligent, and caring daughters, my heart yearned for a son! My husband’s, too, although he never mentioned it. Often, I felt guilty for desiring such a thing, but we do not have control over our hearts and our feelings. It is what we do with it that matters. Finally, I accepted that this was what I wanted and started researching if this was possible in a natural way.
At first, I read books on this and tracked my ovulation as a result. With difficulty tracking ovulation, however, I eagerly downloaded an app as guidance. Excited, I took pictures of my ovulation stick, uploaded them, and received feedback on whether or not it was my peak!
Furthermore, I did istighfar (to ask Allah for forgiveness) which is a type of dhikr; it is done by many statements, like saying: “Astaghfirullah.” Shaykh ^Abdullaah said to recite “rabbighfir lee wa lil mu’mineenah wal mu’minaat” رابغفيرلي والمؤمنينه والمؤمنات
27 times a day for a particular du’a to be accepted. The best time to do du^aa’ is the tahajjud. We were blessed it was Ramadan, so waking up for tahhajjud was slightly easier. We made one supplication consistently: for Allah (SubHaana wata^aala) to grant us a baby boy. This continued until my 20-week scan, and there it was, confirmed: I was having a boy!
Difficulty was an understatement during the last trimester, as I suffered from many Braxton hicks. Therefore, preparation commenced at week 36: six (6) dates a day, raspberry leaf tea, walks and relaxation. Consequently, in Week 38, on December 31st, sleep became nonexistent; watching the fireworks with my husband through the window was my highlight. Additionally, my teachers taught me that whoever says, “I ask Allah, the One Who is the only God, the Hayy, the Qayyum, and I repent to Him,” will still receive forgiveness even if he has left the required battlefield. I recited Hayyu ya Qayyum 3000 times as advised, had a shower at 6 a.m., and tried to fall back asleep at 9 a.m. until my water broke! My third child was born four hours later: a baby boy!
Raising a boy frightened me to the core of my bones. I had anxieties and negative thoughts, lurking thoughts that I won’t be a very good boy mum. One year on, and I am trying to find my way through the jungle and rollercoaster of negative thoughts. The consequences of getting it wrong are severe. Often, people tend to say, “He’s a boy” every time I mention any sign of struggle:
“He’s so clingy” – he’s a boy.
“He doesn’t eat very well”- he’s a boy.
“He won’t sleep through the night”- he’s a boy.
What can I do to help myself through this? How can I ensure I do my best? I recommend dhikr and du^aa’. Consequently, I find peace of mind in prayer and I learned, through experience, what my children need (regardless of gender): validation of their feelings, empathy and playing/spending time. For example, I have to validate the fear of my thirteen-year-old feels when she has to walk into school late because people will stare at her. I have to empathize with her and understand her embarrassment and fear, and I need to spend time talking through these feelings with her so she can articulate them, embrace them, and tackle them.
Moreover, I need to validate the anger my six-year-old feels when she has to share her chocolate, empathize and understand why she wouldn’t want to share, and play with her so she learns to take turns and share her sweets.
Furthermore, I have to validate my one-year-old’s tantrum when he doesn’t want his nappy changed, empathize and understand that for him, it’s not important; he doesn’t mind smelling; play with him and make eye contact; articulate sounds and words so he may learn and grow. Nonetheless, through these connections, we raise our children, we pray that they’ll grow up to become amazing, articulate, confident, and righteous human beings, Ameen.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Hafizah Choudhury was born and raised in the UK, Birmingham. She is married with two beautiful daughters and a son. She is a secondary school science teacher in Wiltshire, UK in a small town called Calne. In her spare time Hafizah tutors science, including Chemistry A level and she has passion for teaching, learning Islamic studies, and nasheeds.
Instagram @hufayzah