By Samina H. Baksh
I always struggled with the idea of hijab and although nearly all the females in my family had started wearing it from a fairly young age, my parents never had any expectations of me embracing it before I was truly ready to do so. My late 20’s and 30’s saw me progress in my career as a teacher and eventually, take on a role in the private sector where not only was I the only Asian female, but also the only Muslim. Despite being on a personal journey to reconnect with my faith at that time in my life, I still didn’t have the inner strength to wear the hijab in a very non-Muslim and at times, ignorant environment. So, I decided to change my environment.
In 2012, I was offered a teaching job in Abu Dhabi. I thought being immersed in an Islamic environment would give me the much-needed nudge to go ahead and start wearing hijab. But again, my nafs (Arabic for “soul”) was blocking me from making that change. A year later, my marriage was being arranged. I still remember my fiancé coming to the door of my flat after Friday prayers to Skype with my family. I had just performed my zuhr prayers when the doorbell rang. Not wanting him to wait outside, I quickly let him in, whilst still wearing my hijab, then proceeded to remove it and fix my hair; after all, I wanted him to see me at my best and my hair was my best feature!
After the Skype chat, I was walking him out when he very casually said, “You looked pretty with the hijab.” I was stunned. I had always thought my hair and having a full face of makeup was what made me attractive. I wasn’t about to give that up! My (modern independent woman) knee-jerk reaction was to tell him right there and then that not even my father had forced me to wear the hijab so I hoped he wasn’t getting any funny ideas about telling me what to do; but, I stopped myself.
I still remember consciously and deliberately pausing and reflecting on my intentions and desire to wear hijab. After being in Abu Dhabi for a year, it still hadn’t happened. I realized it was about me and when I truly felt ready for it. It had never been about the environment. And was it really a bad thing if the man I was planning on spending the rest of my life with, was the catalyst for my making that change in my life? Surely, as spouses, we should help and guide each other to be better Muslims?
The following week, again during my scheduled family Skype session, hijab came up in conversation. This time, however, I was talking to my expert veteran hijabi sisters and mentioned how I was meeting some of my future in-laws for the first time on Eid, which was a few days away and had decided I was going to wear the hijab. But, to my despair, I didn’t have the faintest idea how to wear it properly and it was really stressing me out. My fiancé, although he spoke English well, would always comment that he found it hard to catch what I was saying when I would be speaking at a hundred miles an hour to friends and family in my strong Northern, Lancashire accent. However, on this occasion, he had picked up enough to take action.
To my surprise, in the days leading up to Eid, my fiancé had taken it upon himself to watch hours of hijab tutorials on YouTube and sent me the best links. He had gifted me with under caps, pins, clips and hijabs! He then, very patiently listened to me talk about how to position, reposition, position, pull, straighten, tuck, flip over, pin, pleat, straighten, position, reposition, and all the other little tweaks that go into setting your hijab just right!
Eid was a blessed affair and marked the day I started my hijab journey. After the Eid break, when I was back at work and during morning assembly, my principal made an announcement in Arabic. Hundreds of students’ and staff members’ eyes turned in my direction. The girls clapped, smiled and cheered as they proceeded to perform the traditional ululation to show their happiness that I had chosen to wear the hijab. The whole day, teachers and students, young and old, stopped by my class to bless me, hug me and showered me with so many traditional kisses! It was truly overwhelming!
Eight years on, my husband is still my hijab helper and checker, and ٱلْحَمْدُ لِلَّٰهِ, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
About author
Samina H-Bakhsh is a UK based teacher with over 18 years’ of experience, including having taught in the UAE and Brunei. An avid reader and writer, Samina is set to release her hijab-themed children’s picture book in early 2022. Her creativity also includes recently becoming a Guinness World Record henna artist, based on speed and is currently in the process of setting up henna workshops. Connect with Samina on Instagram @thehennateacher