By Musart Ellaahi
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم (In the name of Allah, the most beneficent and merciful).
A reminder: “Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning” (Quran, 39:10).
This article was one of the most difficult articles I have written to date. I have been meaning to write it but sometimes, I have been too broken to share my story. However, I feel this is a topic that many women face around the world, while it is also something that shatters those experiencing what I have been through. Recently, I had a miscarriage; conceiving after 12 years since my daughter’s birth, it was a dream.
I was super grateful as well as super cautious. Unfortunately, I lost the baby and yes, I say “baby” because it was more a baby to me than it was a fetus. The connection I felt to my womb and the child within me as soon I realized I was expecting, was surreal, but wonderful. I started protecting the being even before he/she would enter this duniya (Arabic for “world”).
My miscarriage-I was getting a lot of spotting and this was disregarded by my clinic as normal, but then, the spotting increased until I lost the sac. I was so distraught and the feeling that I described to my close friends was that it was like I had lost a family member whom I had never met in-person, but felt a great connection to.
Culturally, growing up, I heard stories of miscarrying women and how they were considered “cursed.” However, I would like to send out a message loud and clear to my cultural community-
SHE IS NOT A CURSE! She is actually a mother in mourning of her lost child so BE THERE FOR HER.
ٱلْحَمْدُ لِلَّٰهِ, I am so grateful for being a slave of Allah, a Muslim in religion because of the comfort that the Islamic hadiths and the Holy Quran has provided to me during my painful time. While culturally, so much is misunderstood, religiously, so much feels right. Allah tells us in the Holy Quran:
“And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As- Saabiroon (the patient). Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: ‘Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.’ They are those on whom are the Salawaat (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones.” (Quran, 2:155-157)
Basically, we are left with the beautiful words of wisdom, إِنَّا ِلِلَّٰهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ, , which is translated to “that what has come from Allah shall be returned to Allah.” And only Allah knows the reason behind it.
Although I can understand that many women going through this traumatic event also go through stages of grief: denial, guilt, self-blame or searching for a just cause to blame so we can feel better about our loss. I pray that we eventually find comfort in our faith: The Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, “By the One in Whose hands is my soul, the miscarried fetus will drag his mother to paradise by his [umbilical] cord if she was patient [with the miscarriage], hoping to be rewarded.” The hardest part I understand can be seeing others with children and wondering why you have lost yours, but keep patience for your reward is much greater and Allah tests everyone in different ways.
Surround yourself with family and friends who you know will give you the strength you need to keep going; please, don’t feel like you need to act strong in front of them if you aren’t; grieving is important. The funny thing is that because many consider me a strong person who gives others strength, I was told to stay strong. However, I say to you, cry because tears make the heart lighter.
Even our beloved Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم wept, as reported by Anas bin Malik: “The Messenger of Allah صلى الله عليهوسلم entered the room and we accompanied him… And Ibrahim(his son) breathed his last. The eyes of Allah’s Messenger صلى اللهعليه وسلم were filled with tears.” Shocked, Abdur Rehman Ibn Auf said, “You are weeping, O’ Messenger of Allah.” The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم replied, “Ibn Auf, this is mercy.” Then, Abdur Rehman Ibn Auf reported about the Prophet’s صلى الله عليه وسلمcompanions, “Our eyes shed tears and our hearts are filled with grief, but we do not say anything except that by which Allah is pleased. O’ Ibrahim we are sorrowful due to your separation.”
Therefore, it is our right and a part of the healing process. I have been bruised, but Allah is my bandage. I firmly believe He loves me 70x more than my mother and He wouldn’t ever burden a soul more than it can bear.
Anyone going through loss, you are welcome to talk to me, فيامان الله.
About the Author:
Musart Ellaahi was born in Pakistan and raised in the UK. She is a mindset coach, an award-winning motivational speaker and TV host, and a published author. She most recently collected stories of inspirational Muslims worldwide and compiled them into a book titled, “Your Story with Musart.” Her debut novel is “Elaynna.”
Instagram @Musart_Ellaahi
Website www.musartellaahi.com