By Hafizah Choudhury
One day, we chatted with our cousins about how amazing our other cousin, Anjoo, was for wearing the hijab and niqab. How brave of her! One cousin said, “We’re talking about how good she is, why can’t we strive to be like her?” This made me think deeper about the hijab.
My baba always said that if I wanted something to become a habit, I needed to do it consecutively for 40 days and if I missed a day, I needed to restart for another 40 days until it became a daily routine. So, I wanted to wear the hijab, but I knew I had to ensure I was praying 5 times a day before I put my hijab on permanently. Moreover, I started tallying… day, 1, day 2, day 3… I tallied up to day 23 and the dreaded time of the month arrived (my period had started). I knew this was going to be a test because having a break from prayer for seven days could have possibly meant my needing to restart the 5 daily prayers routine for another 40 days. However, I prayed directly after my period was over so praying five times a day had officially become a habit!
Now I had to fulfil the promise I made to myself and to Allah, and put on the hijab, full-time. My fifth sister’s (I have 7, say mash’Allah) wedding was approaching and I desperately wanted to show off my hair and wear a sari for the first time, but I didn’t. In the summer of year 11, I stayed at my 2ndsister’s house to help with babysitting. I finished praying and came down the stairs; her brother-in-law said, “Oh, are you wearing it full-time now?” and I replied “Yes.” And the rest was history!
17-year-old me made the decision to permanently wear the hijab and at college/sixth form, I met one of the greatest men in my life. One that I did not think would make such an impact on me and my future. His name was Shaykh Aliyy Fichet; he was a French teacher at the sixth form I was studying at. He used to do the after-school Islamic studies classes for a very small group of people and I decided to join. There, I learned the obligations of the hijab, in front of whom I should wear it for ex. men that are not related to me. This was about to bring a storm to my very traditional Bengali family!
We grew up with extended family living together where cousins and uncles are like brothers, and there, my 5th sister, my non-identical twin and I were wearing hijab in front of cousins that practically raised us. 17-year-old Hafizah, her twin and her sister were now outcasts, no one took it as a positive, many got offended as we would run and put towels or anything we could find on our heads when a non-mahram would enter the room. Bizarre, I know, but we were young! There was a lot of hostility and broken relationships because of this and I would cry on the bus regularly, heart-broken. We persevered and here we are, 18 years on with our nieces wearing hijab, living with extended family, sleeping with hijab in case someone walked in. We did it! It wasn’t easy but we did it!
Did it get easier when I got married? No! I moved to Wiltshire, a predominantly-white area, there were fears around me getting a job as no one had seen a hijabi before. Judgmental looks, can I speak English? Did I just arrive from a foreign country? The jaws dropped when I would speak fluent English with a Birmingham accent, (they say I have a Birmingham twang when I get angry). In school, I spent months mentioning “In my degree, I grew up in…” to fight or prevent any potential stereotypical comments or looks. However, with persistence, I got my job, got my promotion and did not take my hijab off or change the way I dressed to fit in. My eldest daughter is 12 now, is it going to be easier for her, probably not, but we endure and insh’Allah, we will triumph in maintaining our Muslim identities in the face of hostility.
About the Author
Hafizah Choudhury was born and raised in Birmingham, UK. She is married with two beautiful daughters and another baby is on the way, due January 2023, insh’Allah. She is a secondary school science teacher in Calne, Wiltshire, UK. In her spare time, Hafizah tutors science, including Chemistry A level as she has a passion for teaching and learning Islamic studies. She really enjoys singing and was part of a nasheed band back in Birmingham and is looking to start a nasheed band in Wiltshire. Connect with her on Instagram @hufayzah