By Janan Sarwar
“Are you a terrorist?” the 8th grade boy, who was twice my size, said as he stood in my way while I attempted to board the school bus. It was a Wednesday afternoon, twenty years ago, at a middle school located in the rolling hills of Tennessee.
I remember instantly feeling bad, saying “No!” and walking in shame and fear as I tried not to hear him tell me to go back to my country…. What country would I go back to, anyway? A stranger to another land other than a few summer vacations and feeling, for the first time, an alien to the only city where I have always lived?
By this time, in my fourteen years of life, I had already stood out. I was unintentionally the sole representative in my school of Asian ethnicity and the only one, visibly wearing my religion on my head in the form of a hijab or headscarf. In 2000, just a year before the bullying incident, I started to cover my hair.
When I first wore the hijab, I received stares of curiosity, which I greeted with warmth. It was my opportunity to share my religion and culture and point out the location of Bangladesh, my parent’s country of origin. But, my hijab started carrying an extra weight that September afternoon in 2001. At the time, I was a student at Richview Middle School and required to denounce something and some group in some land I had no real idea about. Did they not see that I was also coping with what happened the day before, to the nation where I was born in and raised in? How were these extra yards of cloth tied to things beyond my comprehension?
In the next days and months that followed, I had conversations with my parents, who tried to convince me to stop wearing the hijab. Overhearing the demonization of my peaceful religion in the media, we experienced overwhelming notions that everything was changing. There was a rise in Islamophobia and there were stares of suspicion.
So now, 20 years later, we still face it wherever we go. Sometimes just as blatantly, oftentimes hidden in microaggressions such as random checkpoints, implicit bias and intrusive questioning.
The era and aftermath of the last US presidency made it easier for any kind of hate to rise. My story is similar to that of many Muslims and marginalized individuals who “looked Muslim.” However, I don’t share my benign experience for sympathy. Rather, I share it for hope.
These last two decades have given me more confidence. Muslims are now better equipped to face these challenges with strength and wisdom. Resilience. I’m inspired by the Muslim men and women who have paved the way, who have flourished, who are showing up and showing how Islam is so authentically simple, welcoming and kind when most of the media continues to paint the opposite narrative.
As for me, I am grateful to have the support from Muslims and non-Muslims alike. This helps me gain the strength I need. I have learned that I can belong despite being different. Even among other Muslims, I am not everyone’s cup of tea and I fully accept that. Muslims are not perfect, but Islam can be.
When faced with societal pressure, I often chose to hide behind a camera or books, always seeking the path less traveled. Going against the expectations of society can be extremely difficult, but as a Muslim, I have already had that training being “othered” for years. I walked away from things that no longer serve me. Most recently, I made the decision that I am not going to hide anymore.
Life has brought me such joy and immense sorrow, both of which I balance with faith. Faith may waver, but I am hopeful for the future and finding others who have a similar goal: to heal the world. Although people will come and go in my life, I continue to welcome those who love to dream and lift others up in the process. I sincerely encourage you to re-channel your past hardships and find the inspiration to help the world as well, dispelling one misconception at a time.
About author
Janan Sarwar is a pharmacist, publishing professional, medical grant writer, pharmacy career coach and founder of the company called, “Global Bookshelves, Inc.” She currently serves as the Chief Content Officer of “The Happy PharmD” as well as a Medical Resource Manager for Continuing Medical Education Outfitters, which is a division of “Knowfully Learning Group.” Janan is passionate about Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion and loves to speak and write about these topics.
Instagram @rxjanan
Website: www.globalbookshelves.com