Touched by a stranger’s sincere and eager public Facebook post, on Wednesday February 1st I visited her house to help her and her non-Muslim friends style themselves in hijabs, in honor of World Hijab Day. Kim Mulligan’s World Hijab Day photo shoot was a beautiful, unique initiative by non-Muslim women to reach out and support Hijabi Muslim women. Upset about the Muslim ban and refugees’ plight, these women embraced me with hugs, smiles, and well-intentioned questions about my faith. They repeatedly thanked me for bringing hijabs and styling them, but it was I bowled over with gratitude for their support and courage. Their acceptance of the hijab warmed my heart. Their effort was reassuring and comforting, because typically it’s us Hijabis that have to overcompensate and reach out to others. This nonjudgmental group made me feel welcome and normal. We were a group of women having fun; enjoying fashion and getting to know one another as humans. It was not about lecturing one another.

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I’ve been a Muslim for about a year now and I can honestly say it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. I started wearing my hijab faithfully and permanently two weeks before I actually converted to Islam. My hijab has made me lose almost all of my “friends” because they couldn’t be seen with someone like me and I get to be treated differently by most of my family members who do not understand why I cover myself more than I did before. I explain to everyone that wearing my hijab has not changed who I am as a person nor has it altered my way of living.

My hijab, in fact, has made me feel more confident in myself and made people actually talk to me differently, with more respect. It has made both men and women to look at ‘ME’ and like me for who I am instead of liking me based upon my physical appearance. Converting to Islam and wearing my hijab has made me look at life in a different way. Women are not objects to be judged by their looks! We shouldn’t be liked based on our beauty. We are all beautiful and we shouldn’t let just anyone or everyone only admire our physical beauty. We should be admired by our intelligence, compassion, and our hearts. Wear your hijabs proudly my dear sisters! I wear mine proudly every single day!

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 I became Muslim in October of 1999 Alhamdulillah. When I converted to Islam, my family didn’t agree with my decision at all. I even provided them with literature about the fundamentals of Islam and what’s required of a Muslim. But that meant nothing to them. Like all Muslim women in western society, I experienced hardships because of idiocy and the severe lack of knowledge of Islam. One predicament was on September 12, 2001. I was driving to school and when I stopped at the traffic light, a man in a truck pulled up beside me and yelled profanities to me and said,”Go back to your own country!” Being an American woman… my instinct at that time was to answer him. So, I did. I said,”This is my country.” As soon as I said that… he threw an apple at me which hit my face and left a huge bruise on my face. I didn’t go to school as planned. I went to my mother’s house because of how upset I was. My mother of course persuaded me to take off my hijab. And so… I did.

I didn’t start wearing it again until September 11, 2012 (the date was purely coincidental by the way). I am happier with my hijab. It is apart of me and who I am. I am a MUSLIM woman and I am proud! Non muslim society believe that muslim women who wear hijab are oppressed. Where in fact, it is those same non muslims who oppress us by trying to force us not to wear hijab. I wear hijab anyway and endure being teased and made fun of by people (including my family) but I wear it to please Allah and Him alone. Alhamdulillah.

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I strongly recommend this [World Hijab day] experience.  It truly is humbling. One of the greatest experiences I have had is a hijab last February. I wore it to see how my friend Salma Rah and all the other women feel when they wear their hijab. At first, I was nervous about it. What will it feel like? What happens if I get laughed at? But what I did not expect to get was the anger my mother expressed at my appearance. That single emotion proved the experiment worthwhile. “Why would you wear that? You are Christian?” I told my friend had asked me to wear a hijab to support the women who wear it and are getting abused because they do.

Wearing a Hijab is the easy part, being out in the world and seeing the reaction is the hard part. Honestly, I almost took it off when classmates laughed at me. But I persevered and told them I was supporting my friend and women who wear a hijab on a daily basis that suffer abuse from people who don’t understand. It is a great way to walk in my friend’s shoes.

Thank you for asking me to understand.

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 I didn’t know what happiness was, until I had finally decided to permanently have the hijab put on. It had been in the moments where I had stared in the mirror with this extra piece of cloth covering my head, that I realized, any sense of security that I had prior to this, was nothing short of an illusion.

Being amongst the very many teenage girls and young women, who savor and classify beauty as something that is constantly seen on the covers of magazines, or models on billboards above, I had fallen victim and had become amongst those who were insecure about how they looked, of which had then begun to affect how I felt as a person.

Many nights were spent struggling to look into mirrors, simply because every time I did, I was never pleased with what I saw staring back. There were always things that I was unhappy with, be it a tiny zit here, a big round nose, there, or a “Why can’t I be as beautiful as that girl?” here…it had become quite the ritual for me.

It was in such moments, with such logics of what the mass media defined, and had thus led me to believe, as beautiful, I had fallen prey to the whims of dunya (world).

My definition of a confident woman had been based upon those who had the guts to adorn short shorts and mid-rif tops. And Wallahi (swear to God), I had envied those women. They were the ones I was secretly wishing, I was more like. The ones I wish I could be.

With those thoughts and wishes, I had made myself believe, that I wouldn’t be able to find a husband, if I were to have the hijab on. I’m already bound to be having troubles finding one, without, how could I possibly find one with it?

But Allahu Akhbar! God is truly Great. You know the saying that goes “The people that come into your life are there for a reason?” Well, Allah Azawajjal had simply showed me just what those reasons were, and at the same time, had placed my fears to rest. He had sent me passing angels, as I have now come to call them, to make me see and understand just how wrong I had been. By the will of Allah, these amazing few had taught me lessons, like no other.

That and amongst all things, had made me realize that the partner I ought to be wanting, should be one that is willing and is able to see, my true beauty; The beauty inside of me, instead of the beauty that the naked eye can see. I’d much rather have someone who respects me enough, and is appreciative of the fact that I am practicing my deen (religion), then otherwise. To be the one that I would need, and to be the one who is able to guide me.

I had finally understood what the meaning of true beauty was. It hadn’t been about having the glossiest hair, or the sharpest of noses. Although very pleasing to the eyes, such beauties were only skin deep. They had been nothing but an illusion of the dunya. None of it was ever permanent. The time will come, when it will all fade. After ten long years, I had finally realized that, no struggle is worth the fading outcome. I had finally learned that confidence doesn’t lie in being daring enough to wear the skimpiest of clothes, rather it’s about being brave enough to cover and protect one’s self from preying eyes, and lust filled chatter. It truly takes greater strength and perseverance, to not flaunt what God has blessed us with.

In short, my perspective of things flipped a whole 180°. My views had changed almost entirely.

But…I still had one thing stopping me.

Truly, this had been my greatest of worries in my days of thinking through my decision on whether or not to wear the hijab.

I had feared, that I would become a hypocrite for there were still so many empty slots for me to fill. And so, how could I possibly become this walking symbol of Islam, when there were so many things that I have yet to make perfect? Because that was how I saw the hijab. It is a symbol of a believing woman. I believed, but I feared it hadn’t been enough. I had convinced myself that I would only wear the hijab, when I was perfect in my deen.

I’ve always been a practicing Muslim, but I don’t think I’ve ever truly understood what it meant to be one. Through learning the major parts of the religion, I hadn’t acknowledged the smaller parts of it. The part that made it what it is. I had chased after the approval of the creations, I had searched through the temporality of the dunya, seeking and hoping, that I would find the peace I so badly longed for. I was ignorant of the words of God. I had heard, but I never truly listened.

I hadn’t realized that by the fact that God had created me as a human, had simply meant that I’m not meant to be perfect. The creation was made, to make mistakes. Take Prophet Adam (PBUH) for example, through his story, we knew that he had made a mistake. And he is a Prophet of God. And Prophets are humans, too. This simply shows that they are not immune to making mistakes. They are not entirely perfect, for perfection is an attribute of the Creator and not His creations.
We as humans could only strive and try to be perfect, but that is all we could ever do. Perfection truly is beyond us.

And so, if I had based my not wearing the hijab on my politically correct reasoning, when will I ever be wearing the hijab, if at all? If not now, then when? If when, then why not now?

Indeed, it is through the people that played a hand in guiding me (by the Will of Allah), and pushing me onto a path much greater, that I finally decided that it was truly time for me to wear the hijab.

Wearing the hijab is still a constant struggle. But for once, it’s a struggle worth fighting through. Because at the end of this road, all I could do, is love my Lord and myself, even more.

“Stop hating on yourself for not being perfect. If God wanted perfection, He would have made you an angel.” – Yasmin Mogahed

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