I reverted to Islam 2 years ago after being raised Catholic and being an Atheist for most of my life. I started to wear hijab when I was learning about Islam. I went permanent with it after I reverted. I love hijab because I feel like I share the purest version of myself with it and only my husband gets to enjoy the most intimate parts of my body. I have a complete control of who gets to see whichever parts I allow of my body. I feel most beautiful in hijab because I feel like my true soul shines through and I don’t have to display my bosoms, wear make up, or show off my figure to prove that I’m a valuable person. I never knew that I could feel so comfortable and beautiful until I started to wear hijab. Modesty is the most underrated form of beauty.

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Do you know why hijab is beautiful? Because it projects the beauty of your good character. We are covering up one kind of beauty in order to highlight another, more important higher form of beauty. But how can you wear hijab when everyone around you does not? It’s all about your perspective. What I do is say to myself- someone might see my hijab and be inspired. Just like one time I saw this woman with a long white hijab and it felt like I was looking at an angel. I had a moment of inexplicable peace inside me, longing to be beautiful like her.

So when I leave my house I ignore the ‘fear’ and I project ‘inspiration’ instead. Because if you feel strange, people will look at you strangely. If you feel like a terrorist, people will think of you like one. When you feel scared, you will start looking around for people who are looking at you. When you do that, people will automatically start eyeing you awkwardly because YOU are looking at them! What you feel is what others will choose to feel. It’s up to you. If you see the beauty in yourself, the beauty of faith, that’s what others will see.

Women who have worn hijab have talked about the advantages of wearing hijab. Some of the reasons you might understand, others you might not relate to or feel comfortable with. That’s because those reasons are from someone’s personal experience – a human. But what are the reasons mentioned in the Qur’an? Why does Allah ask believing women to wear hijab? Those are important to understand.

There are 2 simple reasons in Surat Al Ahzab 33:59.

1. “An ya’rafna – to be known” The hijab identifies you as a Muslim. The benefit of this is that when people see you wearing hijab and going about your life – this normalizes Islam to people. It’s not this strange religion with strange people. This woman is at the supermarket, at the park, at the post office, at the library, at the school – this is a normal person.

2. “fala yu’thayna – to not be annoyed, molested” The hijab is a neon sign for others to treat you with respect. You are obviously not ‘girlfriend’ or ‘prostitute’ material. The hijab attracts people who admire you for your strength and high morals. And detracts people with low morals and criminals.

{ يٰأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّبِيُّ قُل لأَزْوَاجِكَ وَبَنَاتِكَ وَنِسَآءِ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يُدْنِينَ عَلَيْهِنَّ مِن جَلاَبِيبِهِنَّ ذٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰ أَن
يُعْرَفْنَ فَلاَ يُؤْذَيْنَ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ غَفُوراً رَّحِيماً }

‘O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to bring down over themselves [part] of their outer garments. That is more suitable that they will be known and not be abused. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.’

So ladies, don’t wait to be ‘ready’- you will never be 100% ready, none of us are! Don’t worry about being an ambassador of Islam – you will never be 100% best da’eeya(female religious preacher), none of us are even close. Because that doesn’t matter. We don’t have to be the most knowledgeable or the most religious. We just have to take the first step, and Allah will take care of the rest. Let your true beauty shine.

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 I didn’t know what happiness was, until I had finally decided to permanently have the hijab put on. It had been in the moments where I had stared in the mirror with this extra piece of cloth covering my head, that I realized, any sense of security that I had prior to this, was nothing short of an illusion.

Being amongst the very many teenage girls and young women, who savor and classify beauty as something that is constantly seen on the covers of magazines, or models on billboards above, I had fallen victim and had become amongst those who were insecure about how they looked, of which had then begun to affect how I felt as a person.

Many nights were spent struggling to look into mirrors, simply because every time I did, I was never pleased with what I saw staring back. There were always things that I was unhappy with, be it a tiny zit here, a big round nose, there, or a “Why can’t I be as beautiful as that girl?” here…it had become quite the ritual for me.

It was in such moments, with such logics of what the mass media defined, and had thus led me to believe, as beautiful, I had fallen prey to the whims of dunya (world).

My definition of a confident woman had been based upon those who had the guts to adorn short shorts and mid-rif tops. And Wallahi (swear to God), I had envied those women. They were the ones I was secretly wishing, I was more like. The ones I wish I could be.

With those thoughts and wishes, I had made myself believe, that I wouldn’t be able to find a husband, if I were to have the hijab on. I’m already bound to be having troubles finding one, without, how could I possibly find one with it?

But Allahu Akhbar! God is truly Great. You know the saying that goes “The people that come into your life are there for a reason?” Well, Allah Azawajjal had simply showed me just what those reasons were, and at the same time, had placed my fears to rest. He had sent me passing angels, as I have now come to call them, to make me see and understand just how wrong I had been. By the will of Allah, these amazing few had taught me lessons, like no other.

That and amongst all things, had made me realize that the partner I ought to be wanting, should be one that is willing and is able to see, my true beauty; The beauty inside of me, instead of the beauty that the naked eye can see. I’d much rather have someone who respects me enough, and is appreciative of the fact that I am practicing my deen (religion), then otherwise. To be the one that I would need, and to be the one who is able to guide me.

I had finally understood what the meaning of true beauty was. It hadn’t been about having the glossiest hair, or the sharpest of noses. Although very pleasing to the eyes, such beauties were only skin deep. They had been nothing but an illusion of the dunya. None of it was ever permanent. The time will come, when it will all fade. After ten long years, I had finally realized that, no struggle is worth the fading outcome. I had finally learned that confidence doesn’t lie in being daring enough to wear the skimpiest of clothes, rather it’s about being brave enough to cover and protect one’s self from preying eyes, and lust filled chatter. It truly takes greater strength and perseverance, to not flaunt what God has blessed us with.

In short, my perspective of things flipped a whole 180°. My views had changed almost entirely.

But…I still had one thing stopping me.

Truly, this had been my greatest of worries in my days of thinking through my decision on whether or not to wear the hijab.

I had feared, that I would become a hypocrite for there were still so many empty slots for me to fill. And so, how could I possibly become this walking symbol of Islam, when there were so many things that I have yet to make perfect? Because that was how I saw the hijab. It is a symbol of a believing woman. I believed, but I feared it hadn’t been enough. I had convinced myself that I would only wear the hijab, when I was perfect in my deen.

I’ve always been a practicing Muslim, but I don’t think I’ve ever truly understood what it meant to be one. Through learning the major parts of the religion, I hadn’t acknowledged the smaller parts of it. The part that made it what it is. I had chased after the approval of the creations, I had searched through the temporality of the dunya, seeking and hoping, that I would find the peace I so badly longed for. I was ignorant of the words of God. I had heard, but I never truly listened.

I hadn’t realized that by the fact that God had created me as a human, had simply meant that I’m not meant to be perfect. The creation was made, to make mistakes. Take Prophet Adam (PBUH) for example, through his story, we knew that he had made a mistake. And he is a Prophet of God. And Prophets are humans, too. This simply shows that they are not immune to making mistakes. They are not entirely perfect, for perfection is an attribute of the Creator and not His creations.
We as humans could only strive and try to be perfect, but that is all we could ever do. Perfection truly is beyond us.

And so, if I had based my not wearing the hijab on my politically correct reasoning, when will I ever be wearing the hijab, if at all? If not now, then when? If when, then why not now?

Indeed, it is through the people that played a hand in guiding me (by the Will of Allah), and pushing me onto a path much greater, that I finally decided that it was truly time for me to wear the hijab.

Wearing the hijab is still a constant struggle. But for once, it’s a struggle worth fighting through. Because at the end of this road, all I could do, is love my Lord and myself, even more.

“Stop hating on yourself for not being perfect. If God wanted perfection, He would have made you an angel.” – Yasmin Mogahed

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