Despite these huge errors I know his addiction is a trial from Allah and therefore I’ve tried to love him anyway. This means I have refrained from wearing proper Islamic clothing to have the possibility to have a relationship with him. But time went by, and his addiction got worse. He is acting like a child, acts innapropriate in front of his children and is a burden to his parents because they worry sick for him. I tried to make it work even though he has done me wrong so many times, all my life until my birthday this Spring. He came home drunk and during our brief discussion he said  that if I cover myself I am not his daughter anymore and he would throw me out of the house.

I’ve told my mother several times that this Ramadan I want to start wearing the hijab, In sha Allah, but she begs me to delay until I move away from home. She is practicing as well, but really fears the reaction my father  towards her and my 3 other siblings. When we discuss hijab she always replies “we have had this discussion a hundred times before, please understand”. My mother loves me unconditionally, so every time I have to give in and say I will wait with the hijab so she can relax. I truly hate to see her worried, it kills me. But every single time my mother is relieved, my soul is in pain. Because I feel like I truly need to use this opportunity, start wearing the hijab this ramadan. I can not explain it in any other way than that my soul longs for it, needs it, craves it. I can’t go a minute without a guilty conscience, and I feel sick internally. I know everything happens for a reason, but I really struggle to understand what Allah wants me to do in this painful situation. How can I wear the hijab this Ramadan without causing my father to make it a living hell for my family?

Like mom said: I will leave in sha Allah, but they have to stay and face my father. I am torn what should I do?” This was the story I posted briefly a month ago on World Hijab Day facebook fan page, and so I thought I wanted to update you about the situation. I finally decided to tell my dad about my decision, and he reacted just like I feared he would. He said I’m no longer his daughter and he wanted both me and my mother out of the house.

Apart from that I have had everybody else’s support so far. And after Allah my mother is my greatest source of strength and support. Though I have a lot of family who have promised to help me out. I pray to All-Mighty that he rewards them all for their support and efforts, especially my mother. And of course I pray to Allah that he rewards every single one of you who has made dua (prayer)  for me as well.  Anyway! I am now officially a hijabi and the battle is on. JazakAllah Khair for everything!

-Anonymous

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