After a decade of planning to take this step, three months ago, I very spontaneously took the leap! It seemed like I was always waiting for a milestone to occur and used it as an excuse to delay taking this step. It started with “let me finish high school and do it when I have a fresh start,” and said the same thing again in university, and then I had to have my hair out for my wedding, and then I said I will wait until I am a mother.

At the end of 2019, I said I can’t wait anymore! I wrote down three target “first day” dates to make myself feel more accountable and said New Years will be the latest I can push this. And with a bit of fear and nervousness (which was so short lived) – I did it! I am blessed to have a husband and family who support my decision. I acknowledge that many people don’t have this freedom of choice. My husband treated me to a little hijab shopping spree, and  is constantly taking my photos and filling me with compliments.

When choosing to marry Ahmad, I had to make sure this was something he’d support eventually. It was definitely something we were on the same page about. And the most exciting news – my best friend and mother began her hijab journey to support me during this transition – which I am so beyond proud of!

My biggest hesitation throughout my life was sadly, that it would impact my ability to build a career. But I am grateful to be working apart of an organization who actually stand by their values of diversity and inclusion, making me feel so comfortable walking in with an entirely different and unapologetic identity. KPMG has a culture that I can’t say my previous employers had, where they encourage you to bring your whole self to work and nothing but; truly championing an inclusive workforce.

After such a short period of time, hijab has become a part of me. Truthfully, I was mentally prepared for much more struggles and triumphs, but I was wrong. The only difficult part about it was starting. I feel the most comfortable and confident than I’ve ever felt.

Before putting on the hijab, people wondered why my Muslim last name didn’t match my appearance. Now, I can proudly be a flag bearer of my faith, causing no confusion that I AM MUSLIM.

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“You’re very well spoken,” she said, as she handed me my cheddar croissant “for…” Her voice trailing off before she could say the words.

But sometimes, words don’t need to be said to see what someone’s thinking, her eyes screening my attire, and somehow it not making sense to her that someone who looks like me could speak so well, could in one moment articulate that I wanted a croissant, that I’m from Florida, about the politics there, and a whole series of different things in the five minutes we spoke.

The truth of the matter is society today puts a lot of thought into what we look like and what we should look like. Appearances, first impressions, that profile pic on this app and the latest fashion etc. There’s nothing wrong with that ofcourse, except when everything is flipped to the other way when the superficial becomes the precedent, and then everyone is clamoring to be part of the chase. Lest we reflect.

Thus, the hijab, the veil, the covering, one of the many aspects of the layers of hijab, is seen as a political tool, or even as a demonized entity downplayed or overplayed by the media to a point where a woman who looks like me, asking for a cheddar croissant in English is surprising.

So you see, it is not our hijab that is the problem. It is the eyes that are broken to have perceived a most beautiful thing in our lives, that gives women like me utmost freedom to be ourselves, to be unimportant, so much so that they tend to speak for us.

Please don’t speak for us. We do that very well ourselves.

About Author

Zainab Merchant is a journalist, author and entrepreneur. She is author of the books “To Be a Muslim” and “Princess Siyana’s Pen”, with a third title underway. Zainab is more commonly known by her blog name ZainabRights where she speaks about social justice issues, current affairs and God centric activism. She is in the final semester of her master’s program at Harvard University in Journalism and International Security, as well as co-founder of the independent media outlet The Muslim Journalists. Originally from Florida, USA, she currently resides in Canada with her husband and three children. (IG/@zainabrights)

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My own hijab story started at a very young age. I was 10 when I decided to wear it. My parents were reluctant at first, they thought that I should be older in order to be certain of my decision. But I was certain. And I have worn the hijab in its various styles for 22 years now. It hasn’t always been easy. To be the only one in the room. To stand out. To explain and defend. To make the right choices. There have been times when I’ve forgotten why I wore the hijab, but just wore it for the sake of it anyway. ⠀
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But there are times when I’ve understood exactly why I wear it. When I’ve realized my worth. When I’ve connected to something Higher. When I’m proud of my hijab.
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It takes a lot of courage to say that deen matters to you more than dunya. It takes a lot of soul searching to understand. It takes a lot of strength to say no. It takes a lot of confidence to be the only one in the room. Having to prove yourself to others at school or work; that you have a brain and can be funny. That you’re a person. It can be a tiring struggle.⠀
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I haven’t always succeeded. There are so many times that I’ve went for dunya over deen. And that’s why us sisters need each other to remind ourselves and support us on this journey. People who don’t wear it will never understand it. That it gives more than it takes. It’s an endless power source. ⠀
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I pray that I leave this world carrying my hijab-crown high. I may not always be able to live up to its worth, but I’m grateful for all that it has given me. Reminded me that there is more to this world than meets the eye. There is more to my worth than what I allow myself to realize. ⠀
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Inshallah to the next 22+ years of wearing the hijab. God only knows how this journey continues and where it will lead. But I want, I truly want, to choose deen over dunya. Give us strength and wisdom to succeed.

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I wear the hijab today because I believe that no one should tell us, women, what to wear. We are free to believe, dress and act the way we want. I wear the hijab today because I believe in equality, in solidarity and pluralism. I believe that people should be free to choose and express their religion or ideology. My body, my choice!

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“The psychology of Islam is modesty. Your beauty is not your physical beauty – it is your soul. The rest is clay.”

Although not as noticeable as a result of the lighting, in this image, titled “A leap of Faith” I merged the hijab with the wings, so that they become one, resemble one another and represent the same thing – freedom. Freedom is a powerful concept, and it can be interpreted and felt in many different ways. The freedom the hijab brings is an internal sense of freedom. It is freedom from stress about the clothes we wear, the way our hair looks, the size of our breasts and length of our legs. It is freedom from the media influenced concepts of “beauty”. It is freedom from feeling the need to fit in, follow ever changing fashion trends, and wasting time on trying to purify our outwardly appearance when really, our concern should be what is on the inside.

It is a way of saying, I am beautiful.

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