I recalled my confusion; the fear that conquered me— For that reason, I spent many days and nights crying alone. I couldn’t understand what my heart was telling me; I felt as though it was guiding me to something brighter, lighter but I couldn’t comprehend exactly what it might’ve been.

I recalled, there was this particular dream that I repeatedly dreamt of within the dream itself.  I was wearing hijab and I felt complete; not only in the eyes of God but wholly, as a person; I felt that I could recognize my identity and every time I woke up from my sleep, I’d get back to my old habits again until one, beautiful, juma’ah, 16th September, 2011—On that day, I felt my fear was present but my love to veil defeated my doubts.

In essence, I thought about the many blessings God will give me. I thought about how the angels will praise me every day of my life when I put it on.

I thought about the many, many innumerable, extraordinary reward I’ll be given.  And I made a promise to never look back because there was this overpowering, peaceful feeling that I could never describe alluded the beauty of having such a ‘moment’ like it in which, it affirmed your decision.

I surrendered my soul to God and my only hope is to continue in a way of God.

Ultimately, I believed that whoever will claim the otherwise, have yet to feel God’s miracle because to me, a change was definitely a miracle.

This was what hijab made me feel: ever-human, ever-loved, ever-happiness, ever-warmth, ever-peace.

The greatest feeling was knowing that I’ve never been the same since then
Whatever you do, don’t give up. Whatever you do, if it’s lilahi taala, it will be lilahi taala.

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