I left my home country, Pakistan, to build a new life in Europe in 2008. Like anyone starting fresh in a new place, I wanted to fit in and be accepted by society where I would be part of. Dressing like those around me felt like the first natural step. I thought wearing my traditional clothes would make me look uneducated, outdated and most of all – an outsider – when all I wanted was to belong.

I could never imagine being offered a job or making new friends while dressed in my traditional attire. Somehow, I doubted my intelligence and abilities, and most of all, I doubted my faith, thinking that following my religious beliefs would be a hurdle on the path to worldly success.

The whole time, I was consumed by feelings of being an imposter, forced into a role that misrepresented my true self, hiding this from the world, while simultaneously living with the fear of eventually being found out. I had a strong urge to be myself, but at the same time, I was anxious about how people would react once I changed my appearance. Because in today’s world, openly declaring yourself as a Muslim is not an easy task and takes courage.

– How will people perceive me?
– Will they treat me differently?
– What will they ask, and how will I answer those questions?
– Will I be strong enough, brave enough?
– Will I feel confident enough in my own skin?

Then, in 2021, I finally gathered the courage to put my fears aside and take the step to start covering my head. That’s when I told myself: Whatever may be, whatever may come, I will face it.

Putting on the hijab is a part of my faith, but for me, this act meant openly accepting and announcing my true identity to the world. And I was lucky I received an overwhelmingly positive response to this change.

My Muslim friends congratulated me for taking this step, telling me how proud they were of me. And how they hoped they could do the same one day.

As for my non-Muslims friends and co-workers, some remained completely silent about the change, as if nothing had happened. Their behaviour toward me didn’t change, which was comforting, of course, because I was still the same person.

Others were curious and asked questions. And I felt proud of myself for being able to answer them confidently without feeling shame or guilt.

In the end, it’s not about expecting others to agree with you. It’s about standing your truth and hoping they will accept and respect you for who you are.

I am my true self now since I started covering my head. I feel complete, happy and more confident. And for me, this is just the first step in claiming my place in this world. There are still many challenges that I and other Muslim women face in Western society. Many of us are often hesitant to talk about it openly, however, we can tackle these problems one at a time and make things better for Muslim women.

Now being a part of a society that embraces open-mindedness, which allows me to express my true self within a community that values and celebrates diversity and inclusivity, and where, despite our differences, we can still live and work together harmoniously – I am truly grateful!

On #WorldHijabDay, I’ve decided to share my story publicly, not just for myself, but for every woman who has ever questioned whether she could truly be herself.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Amal Shakeb is a Strategic Marketing Communication specialist of Pakistani origin, based in the Netherlands. She is passionate about creating awareness around mental health & well-being and is a strong advocate for diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI).

IG: Amalshakeb
LinkedIn: Amal-shakeb

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