“Why do you hate me?” I was caught off guard with that question. I looked toward this 20 something-year-old man, whom I had known for about a year. He was the supervisor in charge of assigning cleaners to my home. The cleaners were girls so I did not cover my face with a niqab around them. But, when their manager came to pick them up, I always stepped aside to put my niqab on and then, casually converse with him.  He noticed this before, but never mentioned anything or asked any questions. However, when my mother was visiting me one time and upon seeing the man, scurried off into another room, he became utterly disheartened. “Why do you hate me?” He asked. “Why do you hide your face when I come? Your mom doesn’t even want to say ‘Hi’ to me. Is it because I am not Muslim? Do you guys not talk to people who are non-Muslim?”

“No, no. Because you are a guy,” I said. He looked puzzled.  His prompt question gave me new insight into things. It made me realize how, as a niqabi woman, I held the entitlement that everyone should be aware of my practices and respect my choices by default!

I started my niqab when I was a teenager. And the attacks werealmost immediate. As a super ambitious girl, it was frustrating to keep proving my self-worth only because I had an extra layer of clothing on me. I had to amplify my self-confidence as my self-defence. However, ٱلْحَمْدُ لِلَّٰهِ‎ as I tried to defeat one hurdle after another, my self-confidence boosted, but unfortunately, transformed into fragments of arrogance. Every encounter in a non-familiar environment was a war. I needed to win, I needed to make them accept me. This journey made me lose a very crucial element of my faith: empathy. I forgot that not all people are ignorant, some simply…don’t know.

Recently, a hijabi friend of mine shared with me her experience of talking to a man who was practicing his full hijab, that is lowering his gaze while talking to her. And it made her uncomfortable. See, how do we women feel when the table is turned?  Are we really accepting the other gender, the men who practice their full hijab? Do we feel uncomfortable if a man stares down while talking to us because we are not used to or familiar with it? That may give us a taste of our own medicine. Men or women from other faiths may feel uncomfortable with our hijab/niqab. And we need to accept that with empathy, not as bigotry. As practicing people, we have a bigger responsibility to be more understanding. To deal with such incidences with care and knowledge. Once I took the time to explain my reasons to move aside and cover up, the man was not only humbled, but also amazed and perhaps, when he encounters another niqabi next time, his approach will be more different and more gentle. Therefore, we need to pack our vocabulary with words people can understand and associate with. After all, we people are, subconsciously, a team, learning how to communicate with and understand each other.

In fact, it is written in line 34 of “Surah As Sajda,” in the Qur’an, “And not equal are the good deeds and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better, and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he were a devoted friend.”

Empathy is faith and faith is empowerment.

About Author

Sumaiya Rabeya is a researcher and content writer. She is the co-founder of a Malaysia-based media-production company. Rabeya is also a community volunteer, actively working on various projects related to Islamic dawah, social engagement and women. Born in 1989, she graduated with a degree in Politics and International Relations and is currently pursuing her Ph.D. in Gender Studies. Moreover, Rabeya has been working as a media content writer for over a decade. As a Bengali young mother, she feels responsible in creatively contributing to society.

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Defining freedom, a lecturer once told my class a short story: a man was walking on the street with both his hands outstretched on his sides. As he walked, his right hand accidentally hit a passer-by. This passer-by became  enraged and asked him why he was walking with his hands outstretched. The man replied, “I’m exercising my freedom.” The passer-by said, “Your freedom stops where my nose starts!”

This is a practical example of how all of us really want to co-exist. But, what do we tell the world? The people, who are so concerned about the rights of certain groups of society, usually forget to acknowledge the other half of the story. In other words, they would like to give unlimited freedom to one, while deliberately ignoring the rightful freedom of the other.

While women’s rights activists emphasize the freedom of today’s women, do they also give a yardstick of the “limits” of their freedom? I don’t think so. And while doing this, they prove to the world the limited scope of human intellect. Because on one hand, there are people who’d like to oppress the weaker groups, snatching away basic rights. On the other hand, in their call for freedom, these activists forget anything and everything beyond “rights.”

Many people fail to recognize these two extremes. This is perhaps because they’re not aware of a middle path, which has existed for centuries. It’s not so much about being unaware as much as it’s about choosing to be ignorant despite seeing it happen all the time.

There is a moderate way, which respects the rights and freedom of everyone. That way is called, Islam. Islam acknowledges the rights of men and women, while protecting them. Islam doesn’t let one group be more dominant than the other. It is about balancing the rights of all to create harmony in coexisting, the concept of a cohesive, cooperative Ummah. To create this balance, everyone has been assigned duties, which in turn, become the other’s rights and thus, a chain is formed.

In Surah Noor, Ayah 30-31 of the Qur’an, Allah has decreed laws for men and women: “Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do. And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their head covers over their chests….”

These laws are duties of one, resulting in rights for the other, and vice versa. For example, the duty of men is to lower their gaze and that, in itself, is a right for women. In other words, the right for women is not to be looked at as commodities. While women lower their gaze and observe hijab, that is their duty. In Surah Ahzab, Ayah 59 of the Qur’an, Allah decrees, “O’ Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to bring down over themselves [part] of their outer garments. That is more suitable that they will be known and not be abused. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.” Women’s obedience to Allah makes it easier for the men to avoid the temptation to gaze, thereby avoiding dirty thoughts.

Moreover, wearing a hijab liberates women from the fear of being judged based solely on their looks. Meanwhile, non-hijab women are forced to pay the utmost attention to their outer appearance rather than their intellect. However, hijabi women are sure that their brain and heart (conduct) speak and show even when their body remains hidden. The importance of inner beauty in Islam is evident by the du’a for looking in the mirror: “O Allah, just as you have made my external features beautiful, make my character beautiful.”

The change we’re expecting from the men’s side, that of giving us respect as women, will have to start from within us. We have to elevate ourselves first. Stop being a commodity and you won’t be treated as one. Stop beautifying the outside for outsiders and your inside will beautify you, the real you: “Be the change you want to see in the world,” said Gandhi.

In other words, liberate yourself internally, in the real sense of the word. Give it a try, give yourself the right to be respected.

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I’ve decided to wear hijab about 10 months ago. I must say, it was a difficult step to take. As days passed by, the more I was feeling something in my Deen (religion) was missing. It was INCOMPLETE. The more knowledge I acquired about Islam, more I  gravitated towards the idea of Hijab. In my heart, my reasoning  was pure for the sake of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala.

Primarily, I wore it every Friday and kept it on throughout the day even after Jumuah (Friday) prayers. That was my beginning.  Suddenly, one morning, I woke up telling myself, ‘today is The Day’, Subahan’Allah, ‘you go out with it and you will never remove it, In’Sha’Allah (God willing).’

I have never felt so proud in my entire life to be a Muslim woman. It’s an amazing feeling to wake up every day and to please Allah by our actions and character.  When adapting to hijab, the day to day attitude starts to shift slowly. I have more patience and I am more at peace. Even if covering our body and hair is only for the sake of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala, we also have to show people that we are better people, with actions. It’s Dawah (conveying the message of Islam), I will say.

Some of my family and friends didn’t really approve of my hijab. They have the following objections; ‘Deen is in your heart, you don’t need to wear hijab.  How would you get married if you wear hijab now? You will remove it soon.’ However, after some explanations on WHY I did it, people who truly loved and cared for me for who I am, started to understand the real reasons.

Today, I don’t ever see myself without my hijab. It became part of me, my identity. Hijab is the beauty of all muslim women in the world. This is strength and an honor to have been guided and to wear it every day, Alhumdulilah. I wish that for all my sisters.

If I were to give an advice to the sisters, it would be, step by step change your wardrobes, organize your clothing and the intention to wear your hijab, make up your mind once and for all, JUST DO IT. All for the sake of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala. And always remember to keep the smile. You can’t imagine how many sisters you will influence. May Allah guide us all to the right path, Ameen.

May Allah forgive us our minor and major sins.  May Allah bless you all. I love you all, my dear sisters for the sake of Allah.

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